Sexuality is a topic rarely positively explored when we speak of leadership.

What if I told you that Sexuality is one of the greatest indicators of your state of mind, Self, and ability to dive deep into the introspection that allows your greatness to happen? 

For most of us, sexuality would have featured quite importantly in our experience of life – either as a taboo, an expected practice, or a human pleasure.

Each one of these undertones would have had a lasting effect on our personal views about sex, our inhibitions and desires, and how we show up in the world (yes… including how effectively we lead others, our ability to influence, and the respect we feel for the people in our life)

How you feel about your sexual self is a representation of where your “public” persona is not aligned with your true self; where there is a conflict between your actions and your true beliefs. 

In other words, any un-alignment of your beliefs and actions will be overtly apparent in sexuality because typically, this is where we are most intimate and “can’t hide”. 

When we choose to be intimate, we are choosing to lay ourselves out bare physically, spiritually, and cognitively.  Any part of us that is unaligned will feel judgment, embarrassment, and/or self-consciousness around another human… assuming we haven’t chosen to avoid contact altogether. And the stress of that perceived external judgement is internalized as a barrier to full enjoyment.

Consider this: A sexual partner is often a catalyst for sexual activity – but really – regardless whether you’ve chosen a solo experience or one with a consenting partner, it is a journey you take with yourself – the enjoyment is yours, the free mind (or bogged one) is yours, the sensations in the body are yours.  Couples come together as triggers – but the experience is personally intimate. It’s the loudest way of knowing where your true self is not aligned with the learned conditioning of you. 

When we are fully aligned with ourselves, confident in our integrity, able to be fully intimate with ourselves (on our own or with another), the vulnerability of this experience actually amplifies our connection to our Self and the world around us.  This, in turn, raises our energy, our trust, and our sexual vibration with those who we choose to be intimate with. At its base, sexuality is an energy of creation – of life, of connection, of the full uninhibited expression of the Self.  A stronger sexual energy might not necessarily equate to more sex: but it will equate to better experiential orgasms, deeper connections and a higher flow of creativity in all areas of life.

 Addressing the elephant in the room

A healthy sex life is a fundamental requirement of our healthy human existence.  This post is not about power, dominance or the reduction of another human being in any way.  Trending movements and society’s evolution have highlighted many of the imbalances and unhealthy ways sex is used, and in doing so, may have also created fear and confusion about what’s appropriate. 

This post is about the wholesome connection to Self via an intimate access that should be honoured as a privilege when practised with another consenting adult.  

Even with ourselves, sometimes a Yes isn’t really a Yes. 

This is why it is so important to practice presence and awareness… even (especially) during intimate moments – our full presence, acceptance and love of ourselves allows us to go back to what we intrinsically know to be true (and universally right).  When we can give ourselves this gift in private, it naturally plays out in public, too.

Anytime we feel pain, shame, embarrassment, or fear,  it is because we know that what we’ve been told to believe hurts our true nature.  Had we no concept of this, we’d have no opinion (or painful feeling of it) at all.   

Sexuality, thus becomes what it was always meant to be:  a powerfully intimate gage of connection from the heart and soul to the Highest Version of our Self – and a great way to learn what to work on in order to create a life lead with confidence, trust, openness and unconditional love for others.

How to understand your limitations via your sexuality

There are many ways to approach this.  The following are simple practices to start adopting as a way to start the process of intimately diving deeper into the part of you that is unconsciously informing you or personal growth areas: 

• Notice the patterns of thoughts that happen during intimate moments:
  • Are you thinking about work, the groceries, the kids?  (this may be an indicator that  you aren’t giving yourself enough self-care time and personal space for you)
  • Are you thinking about your weight, your scars, how you look…?  (this may be an indication that its time to be doing some self-worth or self-love work that allows you the full acceptance of you as you are)
  • What are you feeling? What do you want to feel?  (Are you confident to communicate your needs to your partner?)  
  • What are you judging? (Where do your beliefs come from?  Are they serving your highest good?)

With a consenting partner

• The next time you are with your partner, spend 20mins looking into each other’s right eye – no words, no distractions. 
  • The goal is to absorb a connection of love with the other person via the window of their soul.
  • Feel like giggling, looking away, saying something?  Ask yourself why.  The distractions we create are indicators of where we don’t feel comfortable with ourselves. 
• Before you begin any physical fun, sit across from each other and align your breath to each other.  With each breath inhale love from the other person, exhale love towards the other person.  Imagine the wave of green light moving from your heart to theirs.  Build a superhighway of energy between you and imagine the 2 of you in a protective loving pink bubble for the duration of the experience.  Focus with an intent of deep love and connection, and keep distractions away. 

On your own

• Create an environment that honours you.  Even with your eyes closed, your subconscious radar knows when things aren’t “right”… so, first, spend some time making the environment pleasing, relaxing, and inviting to your intimate self.
• Focus first on your breath.. then practice focusing on the physical feelings you are experiencing.  Focus on the pleasure of the heat, the tingles, the waves of energy…

Every moment in life is an opportunity to choose the fear-driven ego or the love-driven higher Self. When we learn to interpret the data points life gives us,  we can more effectively move towards alignment and integrity with ourselves.  Effective Leadership is always an act of alignment and integrity.  

Want more alignment?  Try a 1hr complimentary coaching session https://creatingtitans.as.me/meetgaia.